


turned from wood to ashes

by QueenyClairey



Category: Shadowhunters (TV)
Genre: Angst, Heartbreak, Hospital, Hurt, Hurt Alec, I'm crying, M/M, Major character death - Freeform, Nothing explicit, Sadness, The End, Waaaaaa, death is offscreen, i don't write angst, just sad, offscreen illness, part poetry, why did I write this
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-09-01
Updated: 2019-09-01
Packaged: 2020-10-04 20:29:48
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,161
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/20477030
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/QueenyClairey/pseuds/QueenyClairey
Summary: Alec is lying in the bed. Magnus is by his side. He won't let go.But Alec is not for this earth now.It's time to say goodbye.





	turned from wood to ashes

**Author's Note:**

  * Translation into Português brasileiro available: [transformado de madeira à cinzas](https://archiveofourown.org/works/20640749) by [GlitteryStuff](https://archiveofourown.org/users/GlitteryStuff/pseuds/GlitteryStuff)

> Please heed the MCD!
> 
> I am so sad. I actually cried. I just... it was there and I couldn't leave it.
> 
> I need sleep now.
> 
> Please don't yell at me!
> 
> I appreciate comments and kudos if you feel the desire.
> 
> I love Alec. I love Alec with Magnus. I don't mean to break them apart.
> 
> @ClaireyCookey on Twitter

_It’s hard to hold on_  
To something so faint  
He knows that it’s there  
Solid below 

_But grasping it_  
Taking it in his hands  
It’s hard  
His mind is not what it once was 

_So he listens instead and tries to break through the fog_

The machines steady beeps call out the rhythm of Alec’s life. And Magnus embraces it, whole hearted. 

Maryse finds it distracting while she’s talking to her son. Isabelle says it creeps her out when she brings fresh flowers for Alec’s room. Jace talks louder to drown it out and sometimes slides in his headphones even while he holds a pale hand in his. 

But Magnus loves the sound. It means his love is still here.

When the rhythm stopped and they were ushered from the room, white coats and blue uniforms crowding in around them, he nearly died himself. 

Clary held his hand the whole time. Until the beeps returned. 

Now he sits beside the bed and watches the beeps on the screen. Watches Alec’s heart as it weakly flutters in his chest. 

He wonders if he’ll ever exchange the sound of the beep for his beloved’s voice again?

And if he can’t... wonders if he’ll last more than a day without the rhythm by his side.

They’ve done all the tests. It’s not clear if Alec is still inside. There have been moments of great excitement tempered by moments of sharp pain.

But now Magnus waits. And listens to the beeps.

\------------------------------------

_Smoke curls in his chest_  
Waterfalls thrum through his limbs  
The beat of music ravages his head  
His stomach tastes of acid 

_Ashes mould together_  
Broken becomes whole again  
Flames lick his body and then depart  
And there’s a beeping in his ears 

_The same beep he’s listened to for almost a year_

When his hazel eyes open, he cannot focus here or there. Everything’s too bright. Everything’s too loud.

He feels a hand grip his, there are fingertips on his face, hears muffled sounds that might be words he’s half forgotten, from a lifetime ago. It’s too loud. So he focuses on the beep. The steady beep that feels never-ending. It’s a lifeline. A way to keep his hold.

He listens to it as his eyes close. Listens as his ears shut down…the muffled ‘I love you,’ ringing in his ears.

He sleeps again.

\------------------------------

_In the dark_  
Eyes watch him  
Half-lidded  
Golden and bright 

_They light his way and guide him_  
Towards the light  
They feel like safety  
So he follows 

_They feel like home_

When his eyes open again, the light is muted. Beside him he feels a presence, heavy with defeat. Fingers are curled about his own, haphazardly painted in swirls of green and brown. Like his eyes, he thinks. 

It feels like love in this room. Like protection too. He might not really remember. But the feeling...it’s like coming home. 

He tries to squeeze the hand that holds his own. But his muscles are weakened or the signals don’t match. So he lays there and listens to the steady breathing and the rhythm of the beep. 

He’s weary. Like he’s been toiling for too long. But he knows in his heart that he’s only been asleep. Asleep for a while, but still, only asleep.

His eyes won't stay open.

\-------------

_Lightning coursing in his veins_  
Power in his fingertips  
Crackling energy running across his body  
Sparks dancing on his tongue 

_Muffled words are shouted_  
Clear in his ears  
The beep is louder  
More pronounced 

_He is almost whole_

“Alexander,” The hand on his is tightly laced around him. The room is full. He counts four or five before he concentrates back on the man at his side.

He’s beautiful. His hair is curled around his ears and hangs over his forehead. He wants to touch it, feel the texture and marvel when it’s silky smooth. 

His gaze sees everything. Things he’d never seen before. Like the glitter in the caramel skin. Tiny, permanent flecks of gold and silver. 

This is a good man. A man touched by an angel.

His eyes wander to the dark haired beauty, her curls a torrent around her, lips curled as she looks back. 

The enormous white wings that protrude from her back are a testament to her strength. She is power. But he knows he’s the only one who sees them.

The man with the golden hair has a tattoo woven into his skin. It’s bright with copper and it marks him as hers, the woman clutching his hand beside him. He sees it now. He sees that there is magic in this world still. 

The copper haired beauty has a bright pink aura that twists and curves, pulling others in for a brief moment to guide them or offer them strength. 

Beside her is his mother. He knows she is his, because he sees his own eyes smiling back. He knows she is his, because he’s etched in her heart.

Her twisted smile tells him that she knows he is not hers for much longer. She’s the only one who can see.

The darkness that surrounds him. That is eating his body like a feast.

The man, his love he knows, holds his hand tighter and presses soft kisses to his skin. 

They all stare at him as he stares back. But no-one breaks the silence.

Perhaps he’s wrong.

Perhaps they all know his fate.

They gather around him, voices break the silence, but all Alec hears is the beep. 

It’s speeding up now. Racing towards its end. He knows.  
\--------------  
_The seconds tick_  
The movie plays  
Memories.  
Inside his head is a whirl of colour

_It hurts to look too closely_  
Knowing it's the last time  
But one face stands out  
Caramel skin  
Flecked with glitter 

_One more look_

Magnus watches Alec's eyes flicker open. Sees the moment of recognition. Magnus gasps and tries to speak. But the words are stuck.

"Love...you..." Alec croaks.

Tears freely fall and drip on Alec's chest. The silken robe darkening beneath them. 

Magnus' tears. Alec's cried all of his already, inside.

Soft lips touch his chapped ones and Alec hopes.

Hopes it's like the fairy tales he was told when he was young.

But the piercing pain screams no.

"I love you, Alexander, always," 

He knows. 

Alec tries to look for longer. But he's so tired now. He's been gifted one last look on gold and glittered caramel.

Now he's going. Sinking into black. The beep fades in his ears.

\--------------

_He’s dust_  
Curling through the air  
Sweeping over and above  
Their tear stained cheeks 

_Nothing he can touch_  
Presence unseen  
Simply powder floating  
Landing softly on their shoulders 

_As he settles,_  
He wants to stay  
But life is but a brief fire  
Turned from wood to ashes 

_He’s had his moment in the sun._

Magnus holds out a hand, scatters dirt from above. Drops the red rose. Eternal love. 

"I love you Alexander. Rest now."


End file.
